Nowhere Blockage

&$£*ing 1 2, tes?ing 1 2, TESTING 1 2. Are you receiving?



It would appear the blog block that I have been struggling under these past 2 weeks has been lifted, whether by some act of GOD, the recovery of my "normal" mind state or because I decided I wasn't going to take it lying down anymore and fight it, who knows. I am back, it feels good and I am faced with the daunting task of explaining my absence. Where was I you ask, why I was Nowhere. Whats Nowhere, well Nowhere is an arts festival where the participants shape how the festival develops and is based on the principles of Burning man; self-expression, radical self reliance, NO COMMERCE, leave no trace and critically its is about participation not spectation. Nice blurb, but what is Nowhere to me? Its the chance to hang out with a fucking excellent crowd of people, contribute directly to the my own and others experience and frolic around in different states of costumage and chemical inbalance.

Its funny I worked harder in those 10 days on site than I believe I have ever worked before in my life. A curious thing happened though as it didn't feel like work, it felt like, well it felt like FUN. I know, I know it just doesn't tally with my normal expectations of what work is, yes I was knackered, yes I was under pressure and I even VOLUNTARILY got up before 8am to start (I can't even manage that on a week day), but at no point would I have wished to be anywhere else but a mud field in Spain, with the flies and incessant heat. Partially I think this was down to the hands on nature of the whole experience (I love a bit of DIY I do), but mainly it was because I was surrounded by such sound people who were also knocking themselves out day in day out to shape Nowhere into what we knew it could be.

The Burrow project which was started by Heaven & Hell and myself, took on a personality of its own as the Burrowers gathered to add there own touches. We provided the framework but they provided the atmpsphere. Every citizen that blessed us with their inebriated and often comatose presence added something and it was a proud Dougal that would wander through the debris of an evening covering people up, picking up half skulled beer cans and tripping over the hippy crack canisters.

Its got to be done, so here is a big thank you to all the good good burrowers:

Heaven & Hell- This was your baby and boy what a bouncing psychedelic bastard it turned out to be, proud tear in your eye.

Zooty- You are the dishwasher of our souls, we come in all down and dirty and after 5 min leave all sparkly and clean and feeling refreshed.

Zero- Looking out for us when we were not capable of it ourselves, your are a big green guardian angel who has a suitably anarchic streak of mischief.

Sam- Linchpin for all our culinary needs, awarded medal for service above and beyond the call of burrower duty.

Tessa- Audio angel, keeping the beats flowing that kept our feet bopping and of course being a complete rockstar.

Twink- For the glimpse into your mind we received every time we walked into a dome, the burrow was well truly twinked and a better place for it.

Dave- You brought us into the light with the strangely attractive blue bulb, UV god strips and the heaviest fucking boxes in the world.

Button- Tutu warrior princess, can never forget our first meeting and instantly endearing you to my heart with the question "so how much do we have to dig?

Jason- Your knowledge base is a wide-ranging beast that rampaged over the burrow and performed minor miracles wherever your toga-ed ass popped up.

Eva- You thanked us for giving you a burrow to play in, we thank you for giving us an Eva to play with, our very own poi goddess.

Martina- Your enthusiastic elfin energy flowed wide and far, twas a proud burrow that stood by and watched at the fire performance.

Ben- With those long flowing blonde locks how could we not love you, the poster child of the burrow generation.

Hannah- Elegantly eccentric fount of energy, 8lbs of passion in a 2lbs bag.

Joe- Anyone who can wear an American jumpsuit and still radiate an air of dapper style, is someone always welcome in any burrow of mine.

Emily- Always on hand with wildly inappropriate comments, that leave you incapacitated as tears of joy run down your cheeks Also the hottest 5 year old at Nowhere.

Ashley- Preternatural instinct for always being in the right place at the right time with a hug that is guaranteed to raise your spirits.

India- Drunken Nurses instincts were sound and we thank him for giving us our India. Unfortunately after Acid Saturday you are now eternally imprinted on my cranium eternally as a neon pixie, with a widely mischieveous grin.

Rowena- New Zealand Rockstar, to be found fully bedecked in glam 24/7. An example to us all.

Bubbleboy- I call him Oracle and Legend, he managed to produce the one thing that the burrow needed but we didn't even know it. Next year there will be a tutu with your name on it.

Tim- Our own personal astronaut, thank you for blessing us with your presence. Keep it on track man!

<bursts into really bad aussie accent> Neighbours, everybody neeeeds good neighbours.......<sits back down, coughs and pretends he hadn't just done that>

And boy did we get lucky with the Pirates. A truly massive thank you goes out to the PBV and all her piratical crew (Ed, Kat, Declan, Davey, Aran, Jess, Mel, Silas, Yulia) seriously without your skills, support and careful application of herbal medicine nowhere would have been a poorer place. It was a pleasure to borrow your tools, steal your music and dig ever increasingly large holes to fight the dreaded angle iron. Next year will be better, more moustaches, more shares in duct tape and fully interactive light up dance floor, oh yes.

Last year was good, I showed up all wide eyed and excited to be doing anything. We strived and we struggled and it finally got to Saturday afternoon and it was declared time to stop, grab a drink and enjoy what we had built. This year it was fucking stunning to see the progress made BEFORE the festival was even officially open, centre camp up, Road2Nowhere established, Costume Camp in one piece, clock tower in place and Spanish camp fully blinked up, all by Wednesday. Shit what’s gonna happen once we are actually open, the wonders that unfolded were the Burrow, Pirate Teashop, Tripper trap, UFO, Hüpfburg, Cage Fight, Spin the Man and a brand spankin new gateway. If projections from the Nowhere lab rats are correct then next year will see the creation of the tropical rainforest Burrow, ninja deathslide down the mountain and a fully renovated hermitage with AC and san Miguel Beer fountain.

Days last forever and nights can be without end, having the effect of slowly boiling your cranium and then letting it simmer on a slow internal heat for 12 hours. For some reason this had the effect of rendering my memory unreliable and hazy, it got to Saturday and all I could remember from the start of the week was what seemed like everyone huddling under our 1 blue light bulb in the tassel dome and someone spilling coke on my carpet on Wednesday. Great I am going to go home with no memories from Nowhere except the nagging thought that next year I need to take some Vanish and mild case of sunstroke. But as the buzz from nowhere faded to a dull ringing in my ears memories and moments started to emerge from the din:

· Travelling 3 days in a transit van, across 3 countries and arriving on site to Drunken Nurse and Snowstorm reading our minds and presenting us with a hug and magic stick combination which truly marked the start of our Nowhere experience.

· Spanish blinky dog, bestiality was on the cards when I see that collar, never before has there been such style in a four legged package.

· Wandering past Sam and Emma with a bush and freaking them completely out, Sam grabbing me in the morning with a slightly frantic edge to his voice trying to establish if I really was wondering around with a shrubbery.

· Suffering crippling mortification when i show up to the champagne soiree at the costume camp in my best togs and some "Slag" has had the cheek to wear the same outfit me. Some people just have no manners.

· Pretending to know what I was talking about when dealing with the pirates tarps in high wind and launching Button a couple of feet in the air as the wind fills the tarp and throws her as skyward. Its very easy to act like you know what you are talking about at Nowhere, it 90% confidence, 10% bullshit.

· Tucking into a full Burrow feast and surrounded by the burrow family and joining in with the sigh of disappointment as the toilets blow over and NO ONE WAS IN THEM. In another universe a defining comedy moment was achieved, I wish I was there now.

· Sunset on the hermitage surrounded by everyone old and new, beautiful. Not getting my arse out, must have been Twink’s calming influence.

· Ending up in a Spanish police station with only Polvo between possible incarceration, and me a thousand thank you's to my translating hero.

· Immobilising our van by draining the battery so we could light up the night with el-wire. Not having the security code for the radio and no tunes for trip across Spain. Not regretting it one bit.

· Acid Saturday and Zooty & Zero's mischievous grin and what they had created, the only human to fail immigration.

· Nocturnal Mel.

· The best hungover Sunday of my life, power hippies, disco naps, the titanic quantity of tea served by the pirates and drunken nurse pedalling the last of the bar booze with stubborn persistence.

· Hitting the blinky barrier, trying to break through by sticking glow sticks to my face with toupee tape, failing and trying again with guile. Make all the hippies join all the glow sticks into a big circle so we can bask in its glow, snigger and then spin in the middle of the circle until you are completely bound. Blinky nirvana!

· Watching Joe (The American jumpsuit superstar) battle Heaven & Hell (Interrogator first class) in the fight ring, a true battle of titans.

· Ed and Kat blowing my e-tard neon tutu tart costume out of the water with their super bug outfits, setting the standards in costuming.

· Breaking orbit from the Hüpfburg as Martina and Bubbleboy launch me skyward, losing my wig on re-entry and making a crash landing on my head. Please bring that fluffy inflatable engine of concussion next year.

· Poppers and hippie crack!

· Pirates! Ninja's! Munchkins! Bongo & Erin! Max! Stefan! MostlyCloudy! Guido! Yulia! Santi! Ines! and every other person who flitted through my experience but I cannot name check as they are still in the 76% of my brain matter that got confiscated by customs for containing illegal substances.

It was monumental, knackering, soul inspiring, dusty, satisfying, too damn hot and addictive as hell. So next year...