KIWIBOOM

It is truly amazing how many times I have started to write this and then been distracted, now the distractions range from needing to feed the ducks to wandering around Auckland with a (large) box on my head. So this might be a long one people, it will ramble but there are a few choice moments so hang in there.

I love New Zealand, the people, the hot water beaches and even all those damn hills; which are much more enjoyable now the van doesn't overheat. But I get ahead of myself, on route to KiwiBurn the van temp gauge skyrockets and it is quickly apparent that the thermostat was not the problem and the radiator was truly fecked. So the convoy heads onwards without me and wind my way through very poorly signed back roads and eventually rock up to the site 6 hours behind everyone else. Travelling at 60kmh (when not going up hill) really does give you an opportunity to enjoy the scenery, but it was definitely getting old so to arrive on site and find the forward party well inebriated was a welcome sight, Karl 3 bottles certainly earned his stripes that night.

9 days I was in that paddock (well with some time off for good behaviour to go get supplies, at 60kmh AGAIN) and it was by far and away my most favourite moment of my trip and possibly my favourite burn, I certainly have never put so much effort or time into a burn. What started out as a project lightly discussed out the back of Kiwi's domes with beer and a smoke, turned into a complete mission that shaped my whole KiwiBurn right up until that sucker burned. Even with the Burrow at Nowhere I didn't put that much solid work and determination into. It hit me I wasn't just working on a little el-wire project but the centrepeice for the whole festival/ community. Fuck. I know. So after the initial set-up it was down to the task of designing, soldering and installing what elwire we had. It worked out rather well, although if frenchie had cut one more bloody curve I was about to throttle him. By the time burn night came round I think everyone involved was out ready to see it reduced to ash.

As always there is a problem with the sequencing, Kiwi's cat-09 was shonky as and half the channels were less than optimal. So whilst I potter about, Ryan, Frenchie and Kiwi run about getting ready for ignition. It must have been roughly as the sun was setting 6 liters of gasoline was decided to be enough to trigger the fireworks and start the whole show with more enthusiasm than last year. So the plan goes, 2 liters in the mans head, 2 liters in each side, everyone gather at the front by Kiwi and then the burn can begin. Simple. Job done! Well not quite. As it turns out when I felt the gas from the mans head leaking on my arm as I poured in my share, I should have deduced exactly how much fumes would thus have time to build. We all gather round the front and as Kiwi is telling people to get back the first shot from the roman candle in his hands goes off. Way way out to back field the first shot goes, the second bounces off his knee, the third the same but on the opposing side, the fourth however ricochettes into the base and...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RLMB8gpEH8c

... it suddenly becomes very bright and very dangerous to be standing exactly where were all standing. As the base of the man decides it is going to attempt flaming orbit I manage to get clipped in the knee by one of the front planks. Knocked on my ass I decide its probably best not to lie down amongst the falling debris I stagger back to the shouts from Skat of "MEDIC!", proper Nam style. Aw Skat. So most the rest of the burn is only visible through peoples legs with Snowstorm feeding me whisky and Anne Bonnie aiding my new Gamy limp. It seems every burn I have to develop some sort of walking ailment. I thus missed some more of the drama with Ants and Ryan having running around with a plank of smoldering fireworks that have yet to go off, people trying to encourage the rumour that maybe something else was in there (yeah like the 6 liters wasn't enough) and the firemen roasting whole branches of marshmallows for the trippers. Apparently the explosion was heard 5km away in the local village, nice. Cannot wait for next year.

Other moments of particular note

Not sleeping - Seeing like 3 sunrises and just wandering around gibbering about elwire and asking Carl for my gift (More later)

Green Fairy - Enjoying Absinthe at the Green Fairy with Bruce and Kathy trying to ignore the bugs that kept interupting my blinkie fix. My neon jumpsiuit I picked up in murder house Geraldton was the perfect accessory.

Acid Saturday - Carried on from the Nowhere tradition but on a much, much wider Scale. I blame the hippies personally.

Sunrise Swim - Naked sunrise swim off the pirate boat with the goldfish. Which I am glad to say other people seen. The water was ridiculously warm which was good on one hand when you are in there, but makes you never want to come out as you know it will be so cold.

Little Moo Van - Was perfect for the festival, it spending each night in a different spot ut just failed to be the art car it could have been. Curtains would have been a good idea as well, I now know first hand about the greenhouse effect.

Sheep End - Having the balls to go right through to the end, not like some of the other camps I can mention...Skullfuck. Matt black is the new black.

Fashion Patrol - Wandering around screaming at people and wedging them into costumes, extreme makeover style. Sleep deprivation can explain alot of my actions that afternoon.

Wendys Box - Where all the possible glowstick and balloon interactions were explored. With a trashy American accent where possible.

Kiwis are Pussy's - Seriously the first night of the festival it is just Snowstorm and me wandering around wondering if we missed something, all of them in bed. Their performance did improve near the end. Just.

Trailer Trash Skull Fuck Wedding - Loving how completely trashed everyone is and trying to hold it together long enough so they can get married. Arnau creating mayhem in the middle of the proceedings with comments about Daves Mom, a true highlight.

Stag Night - Never have so many young adolescents been so thankful to so few, Squirrel and Zeut we salute you. Whilst everyone was distracted by the boobies I took a handful of good soldiers on a covert mission to corrupt the man, with my Nimbin skull/ shroom T-shirt over his head. I love it when a plan comes together.

Gifting - In another moment of blazin sleep deprivation out on the Pirate boat again for sunrise I ask Karl for a gift. One thing that would make my whole year, it would be like christmas. Just let me kick him in the head so he falls in the water. Simple. Yet still he refuses me.

MOOP - Same sunrise on the pirate ship picking a can floating 100ft away in the weeds and screaming MOOP until someone swam out and got it. As I stumbled round the paddock with my gamy leg picking up endless MOOP I often wondered about the viabillity of the Karma notion.

My life since that point to now has more or less been spent between View Road (Where all the kiwi kids are based in Auckland), Piha (Where Ants and Jen live) and beaches. View road is where braincells go to die, Piha where they are reborn again. And that was never more true after the boys 21st. What a truly grand and fitting affair it was, everyone fully kitted out in suits, everyone in decompression mode and $200 worth of bar to be drunk in 30min. Well one thing leads to another, one after party to the next and you find yourself with love boat captain Hi-DIve, cornflake Mel, Hana has no lighter and me (in full smoking jacket mode) wandering around in the drizzle trying to find a light. So things are a bit disjointed but there was defintiely a head long plunge into a MASSIVE pile of boxes to the shrieks of MINE! Wandering the streets in a cardboard box with Mel giving directions. Max's trippy sheep, a very sweet sequen dress, no sleep and just endless View Road hours only interupted by the return of Poppy. Aw Poppy.

After somehow regaining some of my whits (thanks Piha) with Eric, we return to the scene of the crime for Eric's D&B gig which turns into absolute carnage as we demolish his $100 bar tab. Not much of the night is clear on that one, apparently there was some traffic cone injuries, the police were nice and everyone involved felt like death the next day. All day. It was a relief to have the van finally fixed and at a damn reasonable price considering how many hills you have to negotiate in this country. Can you tell I am kind of over all the hills.

What else, what else, well I failed to get into one festival (despites Zeuts hoopin skills) and totally succeeded getting into another one. It was quite decent and ridiculously easy to blag it past the gate with some super glued bracelets and some wild promises to help clean up; Myself and Zuet used the super glue method, the boys the wild promise route. Its why they fled scene early and missed one of the best Reggae acts I have ever seen. Fact. Just dont ask how many live Reggae acts I have ever seen.

About this time the KiwiBurn Lergie finally caught up with me which meant the trip to the Coromandel had to be cut short. Did get to play on the Hot Water Beach under a nearly full moon, burning my feet every 30 or 40 seconds and giggling, hot sand, hot sand I love hot sand. Not medicinal at all, but geology rarely is. So it is back in Piha I find myself recuperating, trying to mount enough energy to escape and rock Paula and Ryans Wedding, for which I have been so cordially invited; think I was still on my ass with my knee bandaged watching the temple burn when they asked.